Thursday, February 10, 2011
Life has it's moments around here. My friend Leslie calls them highs and lows. Moments that I'm not so happy about and would like to hit the rewind button on and then moments that I want to hold and treasure forever, someone please find me a pause button.
We had a moment a few days ago. Messes, huge messes, were made... All over the kitchen floor, sink, counter, coffee table, stains on the carpet, couch, and throw pillows. Almost simultaneously in the pursuit of one thing... A low was reached. Not a good low or a pleasant reaction.
I was so tired and tired can translate into angry some days.
In the midst of frustrated orders, "wipe of that water, pick up all the apple peels, put all the strawberry tops in the compost bucket, get the mop, wipe up the mess, take off the slipcover, get every dish and bowl out of the living room...." I felt a little pat on my leg. She's looking up at me, me so angry...so upset, telling her "Do you understand me???" and she says, "momma, I just want you to be happy."
Stop. Take a moment. Breath. Be thankful.
We'll try again tomorrow, expectations lower, kids knowing that eating strawberries in the living room = not a good idea, patience and smile intact, praying for grace, remembering to give thanks in everything.
(that night I had a dream that my mom didn't like the way I was talking to my kids so she sent me to my room for time out. The room was ugly and full of 80's style furniture. I got mad and threw a full blown 2 year old style temper tantrum complete with tears, stamping feet, and slamming doors. I decided that since I was an adult and could drive I would steal the family car and run away from home, then I discovered I couldn't fit through the window. So I rearranged the furniture instead and sorted through tubs of hand-me-down baby clothes for Samuel and Sadie-Rose. Random I know, but I felt much better when I woke up except I was still kind of upset at my mom for sending me to my room.)
Good things, beautiful moments, highs happen around here too. 100's made on a spelling test, homemade hot chocolate for lunch, blueberry muffins, thank you cards being written, small little Valentine's crafts being made, curly little girl piggy tails. Last night was one of those "pause" moments. Dinner was in the oven, Samuel was asleep in his bouncy seat, the girls were painting together at the table sharing so nicely, Mike was reading Mother Earth News, Vivaldi's Four Seasons was playing quietly and I was able to sit with them all and finish cutting out letters for a V-Day banner. Bliss.
If nothing else, I know that being a stay at-home-mommy will teach me that every day requires prayer...lots of it. every.single.moment. Sometimes moment by moment. Hitting my knees to plead for grace and peace, for patience and joy, learning that most times I can't carry this on my own. Learning and re-learning that it's not my strength, but His. Turning these kids over to Him and remembering that He's in control. Theses days may be hard, but they are short and sweet and ever so blessed and worth every sleepless night.
Posted by Fairlightday at 2:48 PM